Tags: dear diagnosis

Dear Lawrence

This is my response to the “Dear Diagnosis” Blogathon

December 27th, 2008

Dear Lawrence,

SPOILERS!

If you haven’t read the letter from Manhattan Medical Associates, read that first.

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Hopefully this letter has arrived on the indicated date, however been having trouble with the timing circuit after I tried to graft a serfboard into the chameleon circuit in hopes of at least getting the old familiar shape, causing an overload which re-engaged the randomizer into navigation.

So congratulations, you might be thinking, now that you’ve received the letter that you’ve been waiting for an agonizing almost 4 weeks, since your PSG on December 1st, 2008. (you’ll later find that insurance paid the claims for the sleep study the day before. Not that the PSG summary [printed on Dec 3rd, 2008] took over 3 weeks for the results to travel through the mail vortex to make the 3 block journey.)

You’ve done little research on sleep disorders, despite your suspicions with the sleep study turning into a split when the sleep tech woke you to shove a mask on to your face. But, you’ve read enough to think that this should finally fix all your problems, even if a sleep problem was the last thing you thought you ever had.

Plus you will get a new toy to play with….for at least few years until you get bored of looking at your sleep data.

Be warned, that this will be one of those rare times somebody will be annoyed with you for passing a test. And, you’ll hold back saying that your actually jumping for joy on the inside that they finally found something wrong with you that can be managed, and potentially with great success.

But, be careful, and be informed, because in the near future you will run into a lot of expenses. Which will burn through all your savings and start running up those cards again…. Also all that clothing that you mysteriously out grew in a couple of months that precipitated the suggestion of getting a sleep study, that you may decide some new year’s day to toss out, thinking you’ll never be down at that size again. DON’T DO IT. Because you will. Even after the other mysterious surges in weight.

More SPOILERS, read ahead if you dare. (which I know you will ;)

What’s going to put the damper on your joy, is that once you repay the sleep debt from sleep apnea, you problem of insomnia/sleep fragmentation will come back, and don’t worry…lucid dreaming will come back as well, along with those hallucinations you used to hate. And, you’ll still hate them, especially when it causes sleep paralysis.

While the journey ahead will be rough, including insensitive doctors with their “Good news, your test results are negative….[we still don’t know what’s wrong with you.]” Or they only care about the single word in the MSLT summary of “normal", and refuse to discuss it any further…to the point where the doctor will tell you that he’s ignoring you until you move off of the subject. He’ll even tell other doctors that you’re crazy and you somehow got the idea that you have Narcolepsy (when it was your doctors that had first mentioned it to you, that led you to research it and finally fess up that you do experience sleep paralysis and hallucinations, both while falling to sleep or waking, and the occasional hypnic jerk when your falling asleep.)

While you will soon find that there’ll be no more talking to your mother, and you’ll feel physically isolated from anybody that can truly relate. You will meet a lot of wonderful people in the virtual world, and while one of them will plant the idea of meeting them in person at a conference and then back out at the last moment. There will be some people there that have been told to watch out for you…particularly someone named Sharon. Or someone (named Sean) that will spot you wearing a “First Timer” ribbon sitting alone, and stop you from doing that ever again…

And, there will be other amazing/inspiring people in your life, such as an Ann or a Julie, even a Bailey.

While this may on occasion interfere with your pursuit of being with your other family that pursues that blue box that travels through time and space. You will have another new family that you place more importance on. And, sometimes you’ll wonder if you’ve seen somebody at one that you had seen before at the other…. But, you’ll have, at least, two families that get the things in your life that your first family doesn’t get about you.

And, perhaps someday you’ll get to starting up a local support group, or work up to considering one more move to somewhere with one.

Your almost 5 years in the future self…

…stumbling around in the time vortex, in search of pants he used to wear before things started getting weird near 30 or worse near 40….